OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
