i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
