PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
