the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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