yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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