last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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