my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
