just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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