I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
