Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
