Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
