Old men and throwing up are my life now.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
