not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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