At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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