if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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