i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
