Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
