why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
