I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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