is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
