I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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