ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
