friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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