Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
