I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
