i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
try to milk me bitch
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