he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize