1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
