a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
