I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I touched a dick in church today
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
