Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
