oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
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