I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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