If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
