Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
