Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
