i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
