i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He shit in the fireplace
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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