once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
