so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
