I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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