it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
