I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
