took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
