were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
