So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
