im so drunk with asians
where?
always
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
