Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
