I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
