You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
