god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
