sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
