Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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