I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
