So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize