So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
