Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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