i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
