so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
