mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
