when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
