So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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